Hello everybody, I just felt like I have the inspiration to write now. This is the most memorable christmas of all christmases. It is the first christmas I have ever felt like this. I can’t exactly explain to you what “this” feeling is, I don’t even know it myself. This christmas is one of regrets, one I wish I did better to not let this present christmas occur.
I’m not going to lie, I feel like shit. I am grateful, I met Esther Hong, my best friend and a person that is so clever and so genuine and so brilliant. I talked to her about my predicament and I am so sorry to burden her holiday with my sad bullshit. She was that person I want to spill my heart and soul to. She knew the both of us the best, she was both of our best friends. I told her everything, I dug my heart and my soul to her. I smiled while doing it because I knew I had to, because I did not want her to feel shite for me.
I have so many regrets. So many bloody thank yous I did not manage to say, so many “I love you” I did not manage to put in. I sit here at home drinking more vodka and I regret so much that I did not cherish the girl of my dreams enough. I feel like shit, I feel worse than shit.
In my heart I wish you will come back, I probably know you will not come back, but I am a fool but I can wish. We are different, I attest to that. I don’t know what else to write but every single moment I think of you.
I see upper thomson and I see salted caramel where we were at, I see the bak chor mee stall where you scolded me for eating too much lard. I see the dim sum shop and I see the time we had a fabulous meal. I went to plaza singapura and I see gong cha and I remember the time you would not let me have bubble tea because it was unhealthy. I walk along city hall and I think about the day I just came back from taiwan and we walked there and you told me everything you thought about whilst I am in taiwan, I think about “damn” by avril lavigne and I think about our dinner at mad for garlic.
I looked at marina bay sands and I think about how we went to avalon and we had the best time. I went to the esplanade and I think about how you said you do not understand why I spend 50 dollars taking the cab just to play basketball.
I’m sorry if all this annoys you but I just miss you so much
N
