Might be drinking a shit load of beer to book in is a bad idea but now I have a ton of stuff to write, might be this is how inspirations will appear, might be this will fix me. I’m still sticking to my not getting drunk forever swear, I just have to numb myself abit.
This few days have been the worse few amont my top ten twenty days, barring deaths of my loved ones, this is the worse probably. Not many things bother me, I usually ignore the noise and it will disappear whatever the fuck it is. These few days, ignorance does not work.
I’ve heard many advice from many people on how to fix my conundrum, some tell me to ignore the situation and just do things I like, some tell me to turn the sadness into anger and I won’t feel that bad. I cannot turn this sadness into anger. Maybe my mind tells me it’s a good idea but my heart rejects me. My heart will not allow this to happen. My brain, it wants to be angry at her it wants to think she is an asshole an all that jazz but the heart simply will not let it. Instead the heart is worried about her, the heart yearns to take care of her, the heart needs her. The heart is confused but amidst all the confusion, the heart is worried that she will start smoking and drinking like I did, and the heart is glum. The hearts yearn for her. The heart wants to care for her, the heart needs her to be golden. The heart knows, if she smiles regardless if it is because of me, that I will at least feel better. But the heart is confused, it is sad, so fucking sad. The heart is sad because it thinks that it will no longer be part of her happiness, that she will not need it anymore. The heart lights up a cigarette and puffs like hell because he is at a loss. the heart cannot eat or sleep because it is devastated. The heart then suddenly breaks, a hundred, a thousand, might be a million pieces.
This is the story of the heart
This heart can only pray that everything falls into place and fix itself.
That is all.
N
